Shoes

I still have weird dreams about my divorce. They used to be nightmares in which my ex was there, next to me, and ostensibly we were married again.  He’d tell me something ridiculous like he was on his way out for a night with his girlfriend and I was to stay home and deal with it. Everyone around me would act like this was completely normal, and my brain would be screaming “NO! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?! HOW COULD THIS HAVE HAPPENED?!”

They’ve gotten less creepy with time (although of course I’ll have one of those married-again dreams tonight now that I spent so much time thinking about it just now). Recently I had one where I was getting married to someone (unknown) and my ex’s mother was at the shower. Of course, everyone but me thought this was completely normal.

Last night I had a dream that I had traveled somewhere and was trying to get home. I needed to pack my bag quickly because I was running late and had to find my way to the airport. I started collecting all of my things, but it was all shoes. Many, many pairs of shoes! Most of them I recognized as mine, but sometimes there was only one shoe. I remember seeing just one of my friend Andrea’s shoes in the pile, too. Weird, I thought, but hurry up! Just throw it all in there, you’re late! And then –  a pair of my ex’s shoes.

“What? What am I doing with these shoes?” I thought. I picked them up and inspected them.  Definitely his size and the type he used to buy. Puzzled, I stuffed them into my bag.

The rest of the dream was about me trying to find the airport, which included waiting in line to climb a giant plaster dinosaur. But what’s with the shoes, and why did I put them in my bag? I guess it’s good that it’s only my ex’s clothing, and not my ex, that shows up in my dreams anymore! But shoes are a pretty intimate thing; you don’t touch people’s shoes much unless the belong to family or significant others or very close friends. At least I don’t. If I wanted to get all new-agey/dream-analyzey, I’d say it has something to do with trying on this new relationship I’m in/traveling from one man to another.