I’m turning 30 in under 2 weeks. This is the first time I’m celebrating a milestone birthday since I turned 21. And, although some who don’t know me well might be surprised, I am REALLY looking forward to turning 30 and to a new decade.
To those who ask me how I feel about turning 30, I’ve said, “Anything’s got to be better than my 20s were.” But that’s the kind of cop-out I don’t like to let slide. Although I do hope that in the next 10 years I don’t experience anything as awful as was visited upon me in the last 10, the years certainly weren’t wasted. If we subtract the bad, the remainder is a LOT of good: I studied in France, graduated college, lived in the nation’s capital for 4 years, started and grew my career, started a small business, bought my own home. I “got” six nieces and nephews, who are all super awesome. I rode my bike thousands of miles and raised thousands of dollars for charity. I planted a garden.
So, I’m headed into this next decade at a huge advantage. Great family, great friends, great boyfriend, GREAT dog, and lots to look forward to.
I had a very bizarre dream last night, though, and I wonder if turning 30 and leaving bad stuff behind has something to do with it: I dreamed that Sherpa was watching Sugar, but I had to stop by his house to drop food off for her or something. When I got to this “house” of his, it was a giant building that I realized was a church. Then I saw a short woman with short black hair who recognized me and said hello – I realized it was my ex’s wife. But this was their wedding day and they were getting married upstairs shortly. I had anxiety about seeing the ex, but went upstairs to the ceremony anyway. And everyone – EVERYONE – was singing. And not hymns, but weird sing-songy kid songs. And the bridal party was HUGE, lined up in the front like a gospel choir, and all in costume – Jim Henson-style dragon/monster costumes. And singing. Like the Muppet Show. I sort of looked to see if I could glimpse the ex in there, but didn’t see anyone I recognized. Um, this isn’t normal, is it? A christian dragon Muppet gospel wedding? … his parents must be so proud. Then I got up to leave – why was I here at his wedding anyway? And I’m wearing jeans. I walked down the stairs and his mother was blocking my exit at the big white front door. We said hello and stared at one another. Then she said, “Will you let me be happy?” And so I leaned in, said “Congratulations,” and hugged her. She held on tight for a long time, and that was the end of the dream.
I know I have nothing to do with my ex-mother-in-law’s happiness, but I’d like to say that I have no desire to have anything to do with her unhappiness, either. I am years away from her. My ex’s grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago, and he sent me a text to let me know. She was an amazing woman and that’s what I said when I responded to thank him for letting me know. I bet my response was more shocking to him than anything: I’d not directed the words “sorry” OR “thank you” toward him since before the divorce business started, and I used both in one message. We’re all just trying to do our best, I guess.
And now we’re all moving on – onward and upward! To 30 and beyond…