The Twins

I’ve got another “touched” neighbor, and we had a run-in last night. For the first few months after I moved in I would see her on her patio every morning when I walked the dog. We would say hello. She seemed very friendly, even chatty – complimenting my jacket here, my shoes there.

The first sign of the crazies showed up when she knocked on my door and asked if I’d vacuum her house. I said no. She said, “Oh, you don’t clean houses?” I said no. Then, right before Roomie moved out, she and this woman passed one another on the sidewalk – Roomie dressed in black, this woman in white. Roomie says, “Hey, we’re opposite twins!” And my neighbor glares at her and says, “NO. There’s no way we’re related – at all.” After that, I heard through the rumor mill that she’d had to be hospitalized after an episode in which she was running around the complex screaming about the Germans coming to kill us all. I shall refer to her as “The Twins” – for the “twin” exchange and because she seems to be more than one person.

Last night I saw The Twins getting out of her car as I was pulling in to my parking spot and rushing to walk the dog and meet my trainer at the gym. I popped back out of the house with dog in tow, and walked down past The Twins’ house. The Twins was still standing in the door of her car, and then yelled down at me, LOUD: “Stay out of my condo, you F^@&!#& B!*@%!!!! You and your dog!”

Stunned, I looked up and saw her facing my way. I looked down and tried to walk calmly around the back side of the neighboring building. Was she talking to ME? I was the only person I could see around… so… yes? Does she think my dog pees on her garden? Or worse, does she think I was trying to get into her house?! Rattled, and thinking, ANOTHER nutjob? I walked slowly around the back of the building and decided to pretend I hadn’t heard her.

As I came back around toward my place, she was coming up the sidewalk. We have to interact if I’m not going to turn and run. We reach one another, I say hello, and she says, “Hi! Are you a new neighbor?” No, I live right there, I say. “Oh! I don’t recognize you. How long have you been here?” Uh, about a year? “Oh, it’s nice to meet you.” And she extends her hand to shake mine (although mine were already shaking…) and we part ways.

Unbelievable! When I got home from the gym, my bad-dog neighbor ran out to say she’d seen everything, and she asked me what The Twins had said, and was amazed by my story (but also had other similar stories to share). Then she told me she’d seen The Twins come down the sidewalk and knock on my door while I was around the back of the other building. She also told me she and her dog “had my back.” So now I’ve got one crazy neighbor protecting me from an even crazier one!

(On a serious note: I hope she gets proper treatment for what seems to be a true illness.)

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3 thoughts on “The Twins”

  1. Sounds like the Three Mile Island accident long ago has had quite an effect on Pennsylvania drinking water in your parts. Drink bottled water, Jennifer. Or maybe turning 3-0 in PA will make you c-r-a-z-y. (ha!)

  2. I think you should check into the history of your condo. They have a habit of shutting down mental institutes in this city without finding proper places for the patients to go… sounds like this may be the case! In the mean time, I would invest in some deadbolts — like 30 lol.

  3. No kidding. Bad-dog neighbor also mentioned there’s ANOTHER woman with schizophrenia in our building. Good thing I’ve got deadbolts – AND a water filter.

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